equality for all vaginas

there's a cat in my way. like, right here, between the laptop and myself. i'm reaching over gingerfatcat so i can type. this is hard to do.

i had a long day at work...going to be an even longer day tomorrow. yay for the extra money though, i suppose. i had a lot of thoughts in my head today. right, like when don't i?

i kept thinking ahead to an upcoming appointment i have, one that i am dreading. don't read any further if you don't want to read about vajayjay's (and not v's in a sexy way...really, more clinical.) i'm going to talk about the annual choncha exam.

yep. that's right.

there was a time when i didn't dread these appointments. didn't really care. then two years ago (by choice) i became a single, divorced mother. i work hard at my job. i have no health insurance. i pay out of my pocket, all expenses. there are appointments at the dentist and physicians i need to make, but i cannot afford to. when it comes to my woman's health issues though, i have to go. but i can no longer go to a REAL gynecologist. because i am uninsured and cannot pay those fees. so i go to a clinic. this will be my third year going to a clinic. those who have never been might say, "well, all is well then. you have free healthcare at the clinic. you don't have to pay for a thing..." they would be right... sort of. but it's limited care. and not equal care. really. it's small. dingy. not private. you sign in--anyone after you can read your name that you have been there. you give them confidential information, which isn't really confidential at all, seeing as you are in the middle of a room where anyone within earshot can hear your name, address, and how many pregnancies you've had and when the start of your last period was. does that make you uncomfortable? it does me. when you go back to the exam room, it is poorly lit and there are strange posters on the ceiling. put your feet up. wait, what? in those? the metal stirrups on the exam table aren't padded or have the clinical-looking mitt things on them. you know the ones with some pharmaceutical jargon stamped on them? noooo. there are actual oven mitts on the stirrups. the exam table itself is not up-to-date. scoot all the way down. no, further. further. until my spine is bruised. just relax. right. i remind the nurse that my cervix is um, slightly abnormal, you remember, right? it's in the charts. didn't they write that down. you'll have to use a different instrument. oh, it'll be fine. but it's not. it's painful every time i've had it done there. because they don't have the correct instruments. and it takes a very long time. and i am cramping. and the tears are flowing down my cheeks. and my tailbone is bruised. and i am looking at this stupid poster on the ceiling, one meant to calm. but it only enrages me.

i understand that this clinic does not have the funding needed to make important updates. i also understand that not much is being done about it. and i also am quite aware that it really isn't that bad there--i shudder to think of other clinics in this country, in areas more stricken with poverty. what must those places be like?

last year, my pap was done incorrectly. i had to return for a second one. i worry that they might be missing something. when i was younger, i had an abnormal pap with pre-cancerous cells. i had a good doctor who in turn sent me to an excellent gynecologist. and i have seen several excellent gynecologists/obstetricians since and received great care.

i don't get that kind of care at a clinic. because they don't have the means.

it isn't fair for uninsured women. what can be done about it?

we need a change. not tomorrow. but right now.

and don't get me wrong, i APPLAUD the women who work at the clinic. they are doing their very best. i can only imagine some of the situations they know of, women and children who have come in...can only imagine. but these wonderful women need SUPPORT. how will we do this?

and don't even tell me that not everyone in America deserves basic healthcare. let me tell you, everyone does. and with that care should come dignity and privacy, kindness and knowledge.

i have been on both sides of the fence. i hope that one day soon i will have a job that will provide me stability and affordable health insurance. but what about those who will not get that opportunity?