Friday, May 31, 2013

a little less numb

sometimes in order to get things done, i tend to go "numb" and push through the task at hand. i need to avoid feeling anything so i may be more productive and JUST GET THE JOB DONE.

for example, this past holiday weekend. not much of a holiday. i, along with some of my family members, spent the time going through mamaw's house. picking and taking. negotiating. compromising. sure, we grilled out. we were hungry! we did have a few good laughs, a light chuckle or two... there were a few stories shared, memories forever held onto.

but all in all, we just got in and got out. day 1 turned to day 2...then some trickled in on day 3. my brother and i couldn't return until day 4... and so on.

now that THAT part of it is mostly done, i sit here in MY home surrounded by mamaw's things. and it's a bit overwhelming. my house doesn't really smell like US so much right now; there is the impressive smell of HER. it is both comforting AND distressing. i find myself shutting down a little less, but i am still not able to open my eyes and take it all in yet. i am s-l-o-w-l-y unpacking boxes, mixing her beloved possessions with mine.

i am thankful. APPRECIATIVE of all i have. mamaw's things now mine. but i am not used to them yet. in my space.

her house is nearly empty now. it is like a slow, drawn-out dream you wish you would wake from. all that is left is a strange dusty, musty smell and a hollowness.

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