run to get good.

this was one of the songs i ran to while running this morning: Helena Beat by Foster the People.





i love this song, this band. they're one of those groups that play catchy dance/club tunes and their music appears on obscure independent movies. oh, and television commercials. but i like them because of the lyrics too. because i am a "word" girl. i love words. these lines hit me this morning: "You know those days when you want to just choose
To not get out of bed, you're lost in your head again."

ohhhh, how i know that feeling. just this morning the clock was ticking on, time passing, my running hour getting later. i was sorting the kids' clothes and i just began to stare into nothing. and the sadness threatened to take over. ... why? i don't know. because i wasn't being active enough? because i was Born like this? but i sat there in the half dark, and i wanted only to crawl back in bed. BUT i didn't. i said NO! to myself. in my head. or maybe it was out loud. and i put my hated sports bra on. ( i need a more comfortable one...Gordman's, i am going to revisit you and buy myself that pretty LOUD, YELLOW sports bra.) and i got in the car and started to drive to where i like to run. then... YARD SALE! momma loves a yard sale! and i had no kids with me. GLORIOUS! my sadness was gone. just like that. i did get to my running spot, and i ran ran ran. and i listened to the words. and i knew those words.

running. in high school i loved it. then i didn't try to run again until i was 31. not happening. then i tried again when i was 34. definitely happening. and i haven't stopped since. except for when i fall. while walking. which i am prone to do. ... running isn't always easy. some days i can run without stopping. others i have to stop and walk in intervals. it doesn't matter. i just like to keep moving. sometimes my feet hurt. but it doesn't matter. forward motion. flexed muscles. energy. inner peace. i feel alive, and i work things out in my head. i write in my head. i really really REALLY like to run. it makes me happy.