The hardwood beneath her feet crumbled, metaphorically speaking, underneath her canine urine-soaked socked feet. Her house torn apart from Christmas still and on-going remodeling. Nothing was where it belonged. Chaos ensued. In her home and in her mind. Even in her car. The mountains of clean laundry, never put away. The kids' rooms were death traps made of Legos,dollies, and electronic devices piled high. Two phones bought in two weeks. Useless. Nothing worked the way it was supposed to. Stacks of forms-- she'd misplaced most of them under the laundry. Too many things to do, too many places to drive, appointments, stores to go to, clubs and classes-- it all took its toll. Exhaustion consumed her. Her choices in life ate away at her.
She broke.
This is depression. She wasn't sad. She was overwhelmed, anxious, irritable, hopeless and hopeful simultaneously. The clouds in her mind-- she knew nothing, could see nothing. She was blind and fumbling.
More driving, more places to go. Then, after the children were dropped off, she drove away, the sunset in her rear view mirror. The sky before her seemed to open up, time did perhaps stand still. The air smelled of Spring, just for a moment. A long ago voice spoke of a long ago memory.
A wave of gratitude washed over her.
These thoughts came to her:
There are people who wish for LESS than what I have.
My, aren't I fortunate to HAVE a phone and the ability to get another one when this one fails me?
My children are so blessed to have so many clothes to choose from.
I have a washing machine and a dryer.
We have plumbing and running water, a place to bathe and relieve ourselves.
We have warm blankets and plenty of food.
I am alive.
I am alive.
I am alive.
#depression #gratitude
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