Saturday, June 11, 2016


She keeps the magic, has carried it with her for years. She's always Believed. ... In good outcomes, in people, in the Universe. Her unwavering faith in Good is no religion, rather the place her Soul is from and is so permanently rooted.

Friday, June 10, 2016

noah, stay little

dear Noah,

i wish for you to not grow up. not yet. please.
i wish for you to always make houses and cars for the kitties out of cardboard boxes.
please don't stop drawing amazing things at your little drawing table.
never stop writing stories and designing book layouts.
keep playing Minecraft.
keep writing and drawing all of your ideas and dreams.
stay small and kind.
don't stop crying when a bunny gets stuck in the fence.
please always marvel at the butterflies.
stay little. let me keep you. just a bit longer.

haiku again

she woke up seeing
all the small things she had not.
they were the big things.

16 things

When you have a child with special needs, any kind of special needs, you
1. are fierce (with your knowledge and your heart)
2. become a fighter
3. love more than you ever thought possible (true for having children period! )
4. cry at the smallest things
5. get much less sleep
6. have constant "brain fog"
7. have mountains of paperwork
8. become a hoarder of paper clips
9. know that owning a scanner/ copier is a necessity
10. celebrate milestones no matter how seemingly small, like when she put a sippy cup to her dolly's mouth! Like, for real, you had cake and put on party hats!
11. will sit in your car in your driveway for long amounts of time and decompress, and sometimes cry
12. get snippy if your "stories" are interrupted, you know-- the ones you've dvr'd that you've been waiting all week to see because you HAVE to escape. If you don't get to escape, you might implode.
13. will think about taking vacations by yourself. So you don't have to speak to ANYONE, except maybe the flight attendant and the bartender when you get there.
14. wish you had a babysitter
15. pray you live forever
16. require an entourage of people who love you, would reach the moon for you, and who will help you in this crazy life.

no more tampons

things I've thought to myself in the last 8 days since my uterus, fallopian tubes, and cervix were removed:

1. I need to take a shit.

2. right now.

3. 6 days later... seriously? an enema? nooooOOOOOOO.

4. my ribs are sore

5. I wonder if it's okay to have an orgasm...

6. 6 to 8 weeks is a reaallly long time to have intercourse

7. I have to fart.

8. I need to fart right now.

9. I can't believe I don't need pads or tampons anymore!!!!!

10. I've looked at and shopped 2 Baby Registries for expecting moms I know. all I can think is, They don't need any of this crap.

11. I have the BEST kids. I'm thankful for them being low-maintenance and good helpers

12. my boobs seem smaller

13. I bet I lost 10 pounds just taking all those enema-induced killer dumps

14. I have super nice and thoughtful friends and family.

15. I wish I was being massaged. so much so.

16. I'm gonna drive this car. i'm gonna do it.

17. my cats are incredibly needy.

18. I wish they would have taken some fat out while they were at it.

19. I like all my scars.

20. I really took for granted being able to lift things.

21. I wish my arms and back were being caressed.