no more tampons

things I've thought to myself in the last 8 days since my uterus, fallopian tubes, and cervix were removed:

1. I need to take a shit.

2. right now.

3. 6 days later... seriously? an enema? nooooOOOOOOO.

4. my ribs are sore

5. I wonder if it's okay to have an orgasm...

6. 6 to 8 weeks is a reaallly long time to have intercourse

7. I have to fart.

8. I need to fart right now.

9. I can't believe I don't need pads or tampons anymore!!!!!

10. I've looked at and shopped 2 Baby Registries for expecting moms I know. all I can think is, They don't need any of this crap.

11. I have the BEST kids. I'm thankful for them being low-maintenance and good helpers

12. my boobs seem smaller

13. I bet I lost 10 pounds just taking all those enema-induced killer dumps

14. I have super nice and thoughtful friends and family.

15. I wish I was being massaged. so much so.

16. I'm gonna drive this car. i'm gonna do it.

17. my cats are incredibly needy.

18. I wish they would have taken some fat out while they were at it.

19. I like all my scars.

20. I really took for granted being able to lift things.

21. I wish my arms and back were being caressed.