faith

i weighed the pros and cons. seriously have weighed them. lord. several panic attacks later because i have no idea who is going to watch my kids for the 572nd weekend in a row... i just did it. put my notice in. one more weekend, and i am done. finito. oh, i am going to miss my client's daughter unbelievably; i enjoyed our Fridays immensely. but i have this ongoing list in my head. a list that is not lines of excuses, but viable reasons. like, my 1999 car can breathe a sigh of relief at not having to travel 240 miles a week. all that gas money... all that money for sitters. sitters who come into my home and leave me dirty dishes, dirty towels, unfed cats, popcorn in my sofa, and my precious shrimp--gone, baby, gone. i have had a paycheck. sure. but what's left of it after i pay all these necessary fees just to get to my job? well, i will tell you, there isn't much.

so i have prepared myself here to live on a dream for a minute. and faith, of some sort, since i am not religious. but i do have a sense of Spirituality that gets me through.

so now my busy brain (it hurts, there is so much happening in my head) is zip-zapping currents, shouting out orders, things to be done. mow the lawn! get that recycling organized and go drop it off! sort through clothes! size them! label them! you should have a yard sale sometime soon! did you buy price stickers?! get back online and apply for another Freelance writing job! you will get one!! you will! don't doubt! keep getting the word out that you can babysit! oh, yeah. work on your next book!
... and so on.

Faith in...


myself.

and others.

i have.

i believe a door will open.