a day of reflection

As this year comes to an end I think of how my mind has quieted.
I think of how restless I was one year ago. How my anxiety was at an all time high. I went through the longest running manic episode that I’ve ever been on. It spanned several months of the year before into this current year. I had to recognize that before I could work on it. I think of the harm I did to my beautiful inner-self. I think of how I did all that so well, unable to stop myself. I remember how unwell I was, how I had caused this by avoiding my own issues for far too long. How grief and sadness and shock can tear a person down, and how one has to eventually come to terms.
I think of how I began to come out of and quite actually come into my own. How lovely it was to recognize myself for exactly who I am. To Love myself wholly and see my self-worth.
Yes, I think of how my mind has quieted. How I’ve grown. Yes, forty year olds grow. We’re all growing and learning every single day. I’ve noticed how I take information in now- I mull things over. I tend to not spout out a response so quickly these days. I find I am more careful of others’ feelings. I Let Go of all things in The Past. Those things don’t belong Here- in The Now.
I met someone this year. I can’t believe how quickly time flies! Yet, we both feel we’ve known each other for ages. I am grateful for someone who is so very much my best friend, a true partner in shenanigans.
I turned forty one this year. I admit, I was sad to leave Club Forty, but my Love made this birthday the best I have ever had as an adult. The same goes for Christmas. He just knows. He just does.
I think of Emma’s struggles this year and how they become mine as well. I gather strength daily so we may tackle these issues.
I think of how this is most likely the last year Noah eagerly anticipates Santa’s arrival. I can only hope that he holds onto the Magic of Christmas as I have.
I have no regrets really- there is no point in that.
This year is different. I don’t look back on all the moments with sadness. Instead I fondly remember all the sweetest, funniest, most amazing days we’ve had.
I look forward to all the many new moments we will have, new experiences, memories that we’ll keep forever with us.