i am happiest when:

i am happiest when:

i have paint splatters on my hands and arms. **i am too lazy to scrub really hard and get it all off.**
i am ripping my ugly bad memory closet doors down.
i am cutting up tank tops and using the spaghetti straps to tie up up a cute sheet "curtain" on my closet.

i like doing destructive things. it makes me feel good. so i have to find PRODUCTIVE CONSTRUCTIVE USEFUL things to do to put my destructive tendencies to use. i like to tear shit up. i like to crack eggshells in my hands ...C-R-A-C-K! and pulverize them. i like to mow and cut the heck out of that grass and send the little crickets running. watch out for me!

i cry nearly every single morning when at my computer or Kindle and i read a news story or a Positive Living quote/ story. i cried just a minute ago at the news update of the little girl in Illinois who has been missing since Sunday, believed to have wandered away. she has not been found yet, and my heart ACHES for that family. dear lord.

i talk to myself. i talk to the television. i talk to the commercials on the radio when i drive.

sometimes i don't know my kids' names. sometimes i don't know how old i am.

i am happiest when:

i visit my children's classrooms and see all the beautiful faces smiling at me. i like to help them read and do math. i like "learning." and there is a LOT of shushing. and ignoring the child who puts her hand up for everything, so the others can have a turn answering. i like it all. a lot.

i am happiest too when:

i have time for myself. to drive. to think. to work at home. to destroy things. <----- then take my destruction and turn it into something beautiful that pleases me.

oh, j., i am looking at my wall now and I've realized it is very dusty. ick. i might have to vacuum it. the wall. for reals.