It’s a personal decision. One I’ve thought long and hard about. I’ve discussed it with her father; in the end it’s ME who is responsible for her education. It’s me who will be her teacher and guide.
We aren’t quitters. We’re not “quitting” school. No, we’re moving her schooling to home- and to wherever we may find ourselves on any given day. I have been researching and teaching her since she was born. It only seems natural.
I have fought and fought to get her the best and most appropriate education in a public school setting. There are a LOT of things that need to change for kids who have special needs who are in a General Education classroom setting. A LOT!
My thoughts were:
Do I keep fighting and fighting, having meeting after meeting?
If so, then I continue to watch my daughter unravel. I saw her in tears nearly every school morning, pleading with me to let her stay home. “I want to be home, Mom. I want to be with you.” I saw her biting her fingernails to the quick, raw and bloody daily.
What I no longer saw, or heard, was my girl talking. Rarely she did.
As the school year came to an end, I began to discuss with her what homeschooling would mean for us. I swear I quite literally saw the weight lift from her shoulders. I heard her let out her breath. I saw her smile. She began to have conversations with me! That, to me, all of that, is worth EVERYTHING.
Her anxiety is diminished. So has mine.
I can FOCUS now on her curriculum, on putting together materials needed. We have been discussing the essay she will start on in August. She is actually excited about it. I can also focus on her brother more- give him the attention he needs as well.
It won’t always be easy and great. What is really? I am aware of this.
Emma has good days. Emma has really bad days. Now, on those bad days I don’t have to force her to go to a place that stresses her out. My daughter’s mental health is important. Mine is too.
We’ve shed too many tears and wished for something different too often over the last two years. I’m done trying to explain to my girl why she HAS to go to public school when I don’t even believe it myself.
I have nothing against public education. My son will still attend because he WANTS it. He likes school for the most part. He doesn’t have trouble with it.
How will I do it all?
Um, do you know what all I’ve been doing for almost 14 years? A lot. I’m exhausted. All the time. But I find a way. We just DO.
I am overjoyed and RELIEVED that I get to have her with me. She can finally learn at her own pace! That means that she is going to fly through some subjects, and others we will take as long as we need until she understands. There is no deadline for her now.
Technically she still has an IEP with Indiana State public schools. This will ensure that if I need any resources, or if Emma needs transition to college help, we will have it.
I don’t know all there is to know. I continue to learn and discover every day.
I am the mom who ENJOYS her kids. I love Summer vacation and Winter break. I love having them here.
Sure, they drive me batshit crazy sometimes. Sometimes they talk incessantly about their interests until my brain cannot take it anymore. (I am thankful for adult friendships!) Sometimes Emma whines and argues, and she and I are snippy with one another. Mostly though, we are all 3 incredibly laid back people. Our house is generally quiet. Unless Emma is blasting Sounds That Planets Make*, Trap Music on a Continuous Loop for Seventeen Hours*, NFL Theme Songs from Every Game Since 1983*. We like it this way.
I know I don’t have to explain myself to anyone, but you know me. I like to write. I HAVE to write. If I don’t write, the words play over and over in my head and try to eat me alive. Truth.
*not actual YouTube video or Netflix show titles 😂
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