the kindness of strangers

well. man. oh man. the kids and i went to the grocery today. about ten minutes into it, i became irritable. for no good reason really. my blood sugar was fine. i HAD been in a good mood. i was chalking it up to the simple fact we were in wal-mart, land of misery. i had cart rage and wanted to scream at people. i tried to calm down. fortunately, i think i was doing well not to take my irrational behavior out on the kids.

i should have known. should have known it was coming. but it's been a reasonably long time. i thought we were ready to check-out, then noah reminded me about popsicles. yes, yes, of course, i promised. we were almost back to the frozen foods section when it started. the waves in my vision. waves and flutters and flits, narrowing my vision a little more with every few steps i took. shit. emma was getting grumpy, at a sensory low, wanting to sit on the floor, so i got us over to a bench. we sat for a few minutes, me looking down, hoping my optical migraine would pass. but it didn't. we made our way to the check-out. i was stressing big time at this point because my vision was going fast. i couldn't look up, as the only sight i had left was a small "hole" in the lower part of my right eye. i finally told the cashier what was happening, as she was probably thinking, "what on earth is wrong with her??" i don't know how i swiped my card. she asked if i needed help to the car. i've never needed help taking my groceries out before. but i said, "yes. please." the kids and i waited up front, but no one came. a very kind stranger came to my rescue. she told her husband to take their cart and she'd be right back. she helped me push the cart out. i could hardly see a thing. finding the car was a chore, but i did it. the kids were being WONDERFUL thankfully. she made me sit in the car while she loaded everything in the back. believe me, i wasn't objecting. i hugged her when she was done, told her she was an ANGEL, and assured her my vision problem would pass. assured her i wasn't going to try to drive yet. and i didn't. the kids and i sat there in the car for about ten minutes until i could see again. i was left with a fogginess and a dull ache at the front of my head.

i've had these "optical migraines" for years, on and off, since i was a kid. i know i don't have a tumor--i've had scans. i've been checked thoroughly. i've been told there are several factors that put together cause these. 1. my corneas are irregular. 2. my optical nerves didn't form completely, resulting in about 98% blindness in my left eye and miraculously NONE in my right (although my vision has always been poor in the right.) 3. fair skin and fair eyes. i have prescription sunglasses that definitely help while i'm driving. glares on cars and parking lots from sun and ice are hell for me. fluorescent lights set them off too. i have had this happen while driving, while shopping, at work, etc. it is never convenient, always a little scary.

today i am thankful for my kind stranger.